Usually, being stoned is forgiving on your nerves. Take enough dabs and someone can throw a molotov cocktail at you without it troubling you too much. But there are a couple smoking faux pas that will get at you while you’re seshing like a pebble in your shoe or a seed in your bag.

Human civilization’s culture reached its peak recently when a Reddit thread sprung from the post “What could someone do while you’re smoking with them that would make you never smoke with them again?” resulted in some conclusive answers to that age old question. So, according to some blazed peeps who were bored on the internet, these are the most egregious sins a smoker can commit…

#1. I was smoking with this chick from my school (her first time) and she blew the bowl out instead of sucking in” (from /u/mouzerr)

It does happen, but how? The first time you drove, did you try to pump the fuel out of the tank at the gas station? The first time you mashed, did you try to put the V in the P?

#2. The person that constantly has to remind everyone of how high they are to the extent that the phrase becomes meaningless” (from /u/Brick_Ross)

It’s not a contest. Also, if we’re smoking, it’s kind of a given that we’re high. Let’s move on to more serious matters at hand. Like, which is more concerning: the growing power of ISIS or the growing power of the Sith in Episode 7?

#3. I hate folk that wet the roach, that shit is gross” (from /u/420BluntTrauma)

Not just gross, but then the opening will close up and stick together. And then you have to tear it off. And then all the little bits of weed fall off and end up on your tongue. And then your whole life is fucked.

#4. Yell cops as a joke” from (/u/jay_frank)

Everything is funnier when you’re smoking weed. Wait. Scratch that. Everything that’s funny is funnier when you smoke weed. Jokes that are lame are not affected in lameness by weed or wax. Unless the joke is that yelling “cops” as a joke is super lame and it’s an ironic joke, in which case you’re a comedy genius and we’re all going to laugh so hard we pass out from oxygen deprivation.

#5. When people take pictures of a sesh and put it on social media” (from /u/clanclam)

That’s how you lose your job as a Special Agent for the FBI or get written out of Nana’s will. It’s no joke. You want that wicker furniture and Nazi gold bad.

NOTE: We heard a legend of the urban variety that if you commit all five of these no-nos in one sesh, then you’ll summon the Sesh Monster and he’ll turn you into wax, then vape you in one big dab.

UPDATE: We tried it. It’s true. RIP, Marcus Caruthers, an enthusiastic intern and mediocre lover.

Parker Winship