Astrologically speaking, we’re about halfway through the summer. Already burned through Cannabis Cup NorCal and Chalice California, Fourth of July. Now all that’s left are the dog days, the hot days, the stay-inside-until-your-AC-unit-blows-out-then-toke-a-big-one-and-hit-the-beach-or-the-movies days. But like one of our biggest heroes once said, “All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.”
Even cooler if that cool buzz is a new one. We got our old favorites, but there’s nothing like a new kid on the block to give us the right stuff. That being said, here’s our new pals in the bud world. Not long ago, they were just a twinkle in their grower’s eye, but already they’re making a twinkle in our brains.
Ancestry: White Fire OG x White Nightmare (S/I Hybrid)
Brain: This hybrid leans sativa so you got that euphoric dream state, just to the left of the real world, where all the haters in the world die of blood-suffocation, but you don’t hear or see the carnage in your soundproof room where your skin has memory foam and Frank Ocean and Mac Demarco make out in your sonic pathways.
Tongue: Wood-smoked Berry Berry Kix with a squeeze of lemon.
Ancestry: White Widow x Blue Dynamite. (S/I Hybrid)
Brain: You get the full Easter Sunday treatment when you inhale this gift to man. First it kills you. You’ll think there was a cannonball coming out of the bong. Then comes your ascension to heaven. Cerebral enough to figure out the answer to your whole life and forget it ten times in a night. Then it’s Sunday. You come back down, in a lovely mood, giggling and body-buzzed and ready for a nice walk in the garden or maybe just another couple hits.
Tongue: Think flowers, citrus, all the candles in every bathroom of every girlfriend you ever had combined in a big wax gumdrop.
Ancestry: Kush x Unknown (Indica)
Brain: Kind of what you’d expect from a strain with a name that reminds you of shooting heroin in a cool forest, except a little brainier. It will put you down physically, but keep you up mentally, unlike most indicas. You can still communicate easily. The people you’re communicating with just might not have a clue what the fuck you’re talking about.
Tongue: Like a skunk died in that cool forest where you’re mainlining. But it’s freshly dead, so it’s not rotting yet and it’s a good pace away so it’s not overpowering the pine scent.
Ancestry: Dancehall x Juanita La Lagrimosa (Sativa)
Brain: Bred in Europe from Mexican and Afghani parents, Dance World is exactly like the smiley, charming European dude you’d meet while backpacking in some foreign hostel. It’ll help you dance, help you flirt, and of course it looks sharp in its red hairs and crystals.
Tongue: Fruitcake for grownups – less sugar and fruit, more spice and bread.
Ancestry: Girl Scout Cookies x Girl Scout Cookies (S/I Hybrid)
Brain: Remember in Mad Max: Fury Road how the super models and albino crazies tip that turbo juice into the engine to outrace each other? PSC is like that turbo juice for your dopey-stoner-brain. Pour a little of that in and the RPM gets a big bump. Clouds part, a smile forms, and you’ll blast your way through playing Assassin’s Creed or watching Game Of Thrones or whatever other strenuous cerebral activities you like to get into while baked.
Tongue: Fresh squeezed orange-juice while you’re sucking on a Lemonhead.