Big news day! Iran just made a fairly chill nuclear deal, we just got our best look at Pluto ever, and Greece just voted for a controversial third bailout.  But let those clowns at CNN cook those small potatoes. We got a mother of an Idaho russet right here: Susan Sarandon and Action Bronson are flirting on Twitter.

The historic whirlwind dialogue began innocently enough in 2013 when A$AP Rocky recorded his ensemble jam out “1Train,” fatefully featuring guest lyricist Action Bronson. “You see us scramblin’, sellin’ Susan Sarandon / the cloud of smoke like the Phantom,” Bronson rapped on the track.

This lyric was only noted by historians for the lapse in Bronson’s usual lyrical clarity – Was he cleverly implying the cocaine nickname “white girl” with the movie star name drop? Referencing the stage and film legend’s outspoken pro-marijuana stance? Announcing that he had changed careers and was representing one of the most celebrated actresses of a generation as a talent agent?

Speculation on the matter had quieted in recent months. But now the multisyllabic rhyme has taken on a new significance – perhaps one greater than our wisest futurists could imagine.

The Academy Award winning marijuana proponent gave Rocky and Bronson a little tweet nudge on July 14. “Hey @asvpxrocky & @ActionBronson thx for the shout out on ‘1Train.’ Not sure what it means, but let’s blaze one & talk about it some time.”

To which the food webseries host and Chalice California judge commented: “@SusanSarandon @asvpxrocky THELMA AND LOUISE!!!!”

We’ve chosen to interpret that as meaning the former-chef and current beard-grower wants to take the Bull Durham starring ping-pong impresario and platinum-selling karaoke crasher in his convertible for a long drive off a short plateau, resulting in a glorious death for all three cheeba-chiefing celebrities in the depths of the Grand Canyon, where no man will ever be able to hurt them.

Tom Berth
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