The weed world found a new hero this week in the form of “Bong John Wick,” the pot shop employee who fought off would-be robbers armed only with a bong in a video that has since gone viral.

The video is a sight to behold. Three men enter a dispensary and begin to attack the employees by spraying them with a can of bear mace and screaming, “Get the fuck down!”

But maybe that bear mace is past its expiration date, because the situation turns in a matter of seconds once a heroic man-bunned employee picks up a glass bong and swings it at the would-be assailants like a bat. The three of them put up a lame fight (which even makes the defender shrug at them at one point) before they back out of the store and apparently run away.

All this went down at the Recreational Cannabis Farmers Market in Shannonville, Canada, which was confirmed by the local authorities. The Tyendinaga Police Service posted about the incident on their Facebook page, describing an incident on September 6 in which three men tried to rob the pot shop and were met with “great resistance” by the “clerk who is from Tyendinaga Mohawk Territory.”

All things considered, what could have been a traumatic event ended up resembling a comic scene out of Trailer Park Boys. The weapons are bear mace and a bong, nobody seems to get seriously hurt, and nobody even gets robbed.

But we can’t help but think that if this had gone down in the United States, it probably would have happened a little differently. Sure, Americans can also be dumbasses, and also heroic, and they can also theoretically get their hands on bear mace. But pot shop robberies in the U.S. are usually a lot more violent than they are silly.

It could have something to do with Canada’s very different gun laws and gun homicide rates, though that’s a big grizzly can of worms we’d rather not open up right now.

It might also be because the cannabusiness is still almost exclusively a cash business, painting a big dollar sign-styled target on them. (Meanwhile, the big Canadian banks are already doing business with marijuana companies, even before the country goes legal next month).

Somebody ought to make a PSA video for Washington politicians. When you have sensible federal regulations which allow legal marijuana businesses to use banks just like everyone else, you get fun, slapstick robbery videos. When you don’t, you get much more unpleasant ones.

Dabs Mag Staff
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