SPOKANE, WASHINGTON– Debilitated and destabilized, neighbors reoported health horrors like “stress,” “anxiety” and even “depression” in the aftermath of Donnivan Whitcher’s hash oil fireworks show in Spokane back in January 2014. Whitcher received his sentence from a federal judge on Tuesday.
When attempting to make and smoke extract, Whitcher not only blew up his home, but caused severe injury to neighbors like the stress and anxiety detailed above. He plead guilty to manufacturing charges, earning a mandatory 5 year prison sentence in federal court and a gold star from the man who did the sentencing.
“I scoff at people who say drugs don’t hurt people,” said Judge Thomas Rice, probably knuckling his cigar before swilling a large gulp of brandy. “Some people just want to watch the world burn…” we imagine was his next thought.
The ruling comes after several other extraction-related explosions tore through the area without much of a huff. One magician who managed to rip open a car with his experiment received literally no jail time from a County Superior Court.
Yet Donnivan and the Whitchers didn’t get so lucky. On top of the jail time, he’s also responsible for restitution of close to $325,000 to property owners and the Spokane Fire Department.
In other news, landlords and realtors seem to now be advertising insured rentals as “perfect for trying to cook hash oil, or any type of pressurised substance in, really.”