For all the “good intentions” and Reaganist pill-shelling doled out by national something-or-another D.A.R.E. over the years, what’s really been accomplished is a lot of vintage T-shirts, money wasted, energy spent, and kids gaining knowledge of things they might otherwise never have known about.

The Drug Abuse Resistance Education program, started back in the ‘80s, has more or less become a joke, especially to those young adults now grown, who spent their time in the classroom discovering how marijuana would make you go on a killing spree or become pregnant after just one hit. (Seriously. They tried to pull that shit.)

At current, some thirty years after its inception, D.A.R.E. is still, somehow, trudging along, trying its best to keep kids away from the ever-present #THREAT and #DANGER of drugs. #soberlivesmatter. But relevance is always an issue. And in a world where weed is used more for medical aid than criminal, it can’t be that easy to fight facts.

Add to that, a blanket inability throughout the entire organization–including editors, upper-management and whoever else may be calling shots over dere–to recognize a piece of heavy satire about the #DANGERS of weed before they write an entire article highlighting the merits of the piece and the #DANGERS detailed within, and you start to see why this program is, for lack of a better phrase, fucking asinine.

But, that’s exactly what happened over the last week, when the D.A.R.E. website posted about an article from The article in question said things like, “Marijuana. It is one of the most dangerous drugs on Earth,” and “It is sad that in a country as developed as America, such third world drugs such as marijuana are allowed to exist.”

Take one jump over to Topekas News and you’ll find an array of hilarious, yet subversive and, granted, hard to call headlines for some maybe less comically-inclined. “Should America Make a Mexican Israel in Iran?” and “Ebola Stands For Evil Barack Obama Liquidating America” are only two of the many highlights. Suffice it to say, D.A.R.E. must just have no sense of humor.

And we don’t mean that in a “they can’t take a joke” kind of way. We mean that in a, they literally cannot recognize a joke or line of humor, going so hard it leans on juvenile, kind of way.

It’s probably best now for all involved if D.A.R.E. just threw in the towel and called it a day. Or few decades. Because no one wants to tell the lingerers at the party that it’s time to go, but it is. And your invite was never even really sent.

“Weed made me kill my entire debate team.” Let’s see if we get on the front page at D.A.R.E.

Photo Courtesy of The City of Lancaster, Ohio