In Olympia, Washington you can go psychotic taking a dab. But don’t worry: there are spirit guides who will stick by you and make sure you don’t vape yourself into insanity. At least that’s the story being published by Q13 Fox in Western Washington.

Scare-mongering and sloppy fact-checking are nothing new for news outlets. Not much newer, in fact, than misinformed alarmist doctors. But the degree of ill communication and confused reporting seen in this recent news item is so startling that you may be forced to take a fatty dab after reading it in order to recover your senses.

A regional hospital is receiving an onslaught of dabbers experiencing psychotic episodes, the TV station alleges. “We are getting one to two a day,” Dr. George Chappell of Providence St. Peter Hospital told Q13. It’s possible, even probable that Olympia area residents are on occasion freaking out after a big bad dab. It happens. Sometimes they even pass out for a short time.

But they don’t–in the experience of the Dabs Magazine staff–exhibit the symptoms that Chappell and the TV station talk about. “They are hearing voices, they are paranoid, they are frequently yelling out of control,” Chappell elaborated. Though that sounds a whole lot more like the symptoms of smoking so-called “synthetic cannabis” compounds like K2 or Spice, another (completely unrelated) recent fad in drug use.

Though these claims are unlikely, they could happen, could maybe just happen, if an inexperienced somebody took too many hits of shatter. But they don’t ever, and we mean ever, experience what Q13 describes here: “The hallucinations can last for days.” What?

But don’t worry, Washingtonian dabbers. You got someone to watch your back. Q13 also spoke to Patrick Seifert, the owner of dispensary Rainier Xpress. Seifert’s shop starts giving lessons on how to safely smoke hash oil this week. According to him, “It’s filling up fast.”

Dabbing is, for the uninitiated, a pretty extreme high. So, a class that eases you into it is not a bad idea at all. Seifert says it well when he compares dabbing to alcohol use: “It’s like comparing a beer drinker to a scotch drinker; nobody starts drinking with scotch.”

Of course, Q13 chose not to get Seifert’s reaction (or the reaction of anyone who might either challenge or even agree with Dr. Chappell’s grave judgement of dabbing: “I would personally not be willing to risk a psychotic episode for a high.”