Stephen Wright had a good thing going. When he was getting a little shaggy, he’d blaze up and head over to the barber’s. Maybe they’d give him a nice shampooing in those sinks (you ever get your scalp massaged and cleaned while high – my god!), then he’d talk about whatever sweet stoner sentiments passed through his brain with his chill and sympathetic hair stylist. Then, when it was time to pay the fee, Stevey Dubs would slap a sack of nugs into the barber’s hand and walk out into the world newly groomed, both inside and out.

Good as that little scene sounds, Mr. Wright will likely never enjoy it again. He also might not have ever enjoyed it before. In full candor, we made up most of the details. All we know for sure comes from the News and Star, a British publication which wrote Friday that Stephen Wright, 31, of Levens Drive, Morton was charged after local bobbies found £279 worth of weed in his home. Scales and plastic baggies were found on the scene, but according to the News and Star, Wright’s “only commercial use of the drug was to use it to pay for haircuts, the court heard,” a statement which is both weird and almost certainly untrue, but there it is.

Wright, a “man of hitherto good character” suffered from depression and an industrial injury. The presiding Judge Barbara Forrester reportedly told him to go to a doctor for his ailments and to lay of the grass in the future. It was subsequently discovered in Dabs Magazine’s unsubstantiated day dreams that Wright’s only pleasure in life was his semi-weekly weed-funded haircuts and that now, deprived of this rendezvous, Wright will likely let his hair grow until it’s so long he gets tangled in it, constrained and immobilized like a bug in a spider web and there, in that greasy dreadlock coccoon, Stephen Wright will die.

Photo via Tumblr user John and Mario