If you are a mailman, FBI agent, soldier, senator, federal grain inspector, or AMTRAK employee, then you are a federal employee, which means you recently got a not-so-friendly reminder that, even if you live in a state with legalized recreational or medical marijuana, you are not to smoke devil grass.

The Office of Personnel Management sent a memo to 4.1 million federal employees this week threatening disciplinary action if they tested positive for marijuana use, totally harshing their buzzes.

“Federal law on marijuana remains unchanged,” reads the memo. “Marijuana is categorized as a controlled substance under Schedule I of the Controlled Substance Act.  Thus knowing or intentional marijuana possession is illegal, even if an individual has no intent to manufacture, distribute, or dispense marijuana.”

Employees testing positive for marijuana must enter drug rehab, then have their “trustworthiness” and “willingness to comply with laws” evaluated before returning to active duty, said the newly-released directive, not a 1950’s educational film about the dangers of “marihuana.”

The memo went on to prove it’s squareness by saying, “Heads of agencies are expected to advise their workforce that legislative changes by some states and the District of Columbia do not alter Federal law, existing suitability criteria, or Executive Branch policies regarding marijuana.”

This is just one of the many contradictory sets of laws found in U.S. marijuana policy at the moment. State-licensed operations can be raided by the federal government, one branch of the government says that marijuana cures cancer while another says it has no medical value, and in some states you can buy all the wax you want, but anyone who makes it can go to prison.

What if every federal employee just lit up on the same day at the same time? What could they do? Who would there be left to fire you? Who would be left to put you in jail?