The Lebowski fan community was rocked Saturday by the arrest of Will Russell, Louisville, Kentucky business owner and founder of Lebowski Fest. Allegedly, and almost definitely, Russell was discovered by Louisville authorities outside a bowling alley burning one while the 14th Annual Lebowski Fest abided inside.

According to the Lousiville Courier Journal, Russell was charged with possession of marijuana, resisting arrest and “menacing” – that last one because Russell reportedly clenched his fists while being questioned by the police.

Were the police “working in shifts”? Did they “have any leads”? Did Russell try to bribe them, saying, “take the four dollars”? Did Donnie shut the fuck up? Did the cops drive fast and say, “Hold onto your butts” as they raced through Louisville? Was there an unexpected snake hutch in the local jailhouse, prompting Russell to ask, “Why did it have to be snakes?” Were Arnold Schwartzeneger’s lies true?  Did Private Ryan get saved? Nemo found? Sarah Marshall forgot? Flynn exist?