Jobs, parole officers, the NFL season, or just for kicks. There are lots of reasons to take a drug test. And almost as many ways for you to try to pass them. With that in mind, here are our top 6 ways to beat that upcoming piss test.
1. Detox Products
There are different pills and drinks to use, depending on your situation. You could be required to pass a urine, blood, saliva, or hair test. There are bunches of products out there to use for the different tests, but if you don’t know what kind you might be subjected to, you could try the Total Detox Critical Cleaning Package from Best4DrugTest.
This might work for some job tests, but most police or department of transportation screenings will actually watch you while you go. So, for the most part, the Whizzinator is only good for sex now. But if you can use them in a not too carefully inspected situation, you’ll either need to get some pee from a friend or buy some…
3. Synthetic Urine
There’s actually a Consumer Reports website that rates different brands.
It’s not just for drug tests. There are a million uses for synthetic urine. Like building up a tolerance so you can more easily drink your own if stranded without potable water in a Hatchet–type situation, a gross water gun fight, toilet flushing practice, etc., etc.
4. Water and aspirin
If you’re in a pinch where you don’t have access to detox drugs – like say you’ve been detained by an authority or you’re in Utah – just drink lots of water and take a normal amount of asprin. It’s far from a sure thing, but it’s been known to work.
5. Hook a catheter up and inject yourself with clean piss
This should technically work, but it would be brutal. You’d not only need to inject yourself with clean piss, you’d also have to take drugs to block your body from creating more drugged-out urine. We saw a crackhead NFL player do it on that old ESPN show Playmakers. It was gross!
6. Don’t do drugs…?
What’s that they say in Wolf of Wall Street? Oh, yeah.
Donnie: How’s being sober?
Jordan: Fucking sucks.
Donnie: Boring, right?
Jordan: So boring. I’m going to kill myself.
But, hey. That works too.