Yet another NFL player has been forced to half-heartedly beg token forgiveness for doing what we all know they do and do not care about even a little: smoking that weed.
2013 Rookie of the Year and Jets Pro Bowl defensive tackle Sheldon Richardson is sitting out the first four games of the upcoming season without pay after violating the NFL Policy and Program for Substances of Abuse by doing the same drug that literally most of the country uses.
In fact, around 30 – 40% of incoming NFL players also indulge in indica or sample sativa, according to an anonymous GM who talked to the Bleacher Report earlier this year.
Nevertheless, like an old religion that carries on its customs long after anyone in the tribe could remember what they were supposed to signify, Richardson went through the motions of apologizing for his use of the socially and (in some states) legally acceptable practice of getting blazed.
“I apologize for letting down my family, teammates, this organization and the fans,” Richardson said in a statement reported by The Daily News. “However, words aren’t enough. This is something that can only be addressed by how I handle myself from this point on. I don’t want this to take away from what the team is trying to accomplish. While I won’t be there at the start of the regular season, I will do whatever I can to support my teammates until I’m able to return to the field.”
No doubt, part of this apology is for realz. Richardson dicked himself and his team way, way up when he got caught for puffing the magic dragon. The tackle was a key player in the Jets’ upcoming season and his teammates will possibly hold this against him, even as they pass their blunts and rigs after their games and practices.
But, as Richardson probably knows, his real crime was not smoking weed, but getting caught. Just over a month ago, Cowboys rookie Randy Gregory’s urine test came up positive for cannabis and the defensive end was made to grovel and say he was sorry.
“I was worse at Nebraska than I’ve ever been at any other time of my life,” Greogry said, sounding like he was a heroin junky apologizing for selling his daughter to buy smack. “But I know how I am now. I think if teams really look at how I am now more so than the past, they’ll see I’m making strides to get better, as a person and as a player.”
These dudes are stupid for getting caught smoking, maybe even stupid for smoking, given that they know what the consequences are. But the rich dudes who make the rules don’t need to make consequences for using pot so grave that a player has to make like they used a racial slur in public every time they’re caught.
Photo by Charles Wenzelberg/NYPost