Hey, America. Put on your best pair of vintage Ray Bans and your “I don’t give a fuck”/”Just got laid” face. Because, as of this week, we now have some serious challengers to the North America’s Coolest Country throne. And if it isn’t that nerdy bookworm country who came back from summer break sans glasses and plus boobs – Canada.
That’s right, according to a new report from UNICEF (the United Nations Children’s Fund), more 11, 13 and 15 year-old Neighbors to the North toke on fatty nug blunts than Americans in the same age groups. The U.S. ranked a shameful fifth on the list with only 22.05 percent of polled kids saying they’re hip enough to take massive bong rips. Finishing ahead were France, Spain, Switzerland and Canada with 28 percent of their kids saying they got good and blazed.
That means “grade eighters” are cooler than “eighth graders,” future Mounties are cooler than future cops, and Alanis Morissette’s kids are cooler than Sheryl Crow’s (assuming they both have kids, we don’t have time to look these things up).
Come to think of it, poutine is cooler than french fries. And moose are cooler than deer. And national health care is kind of more chill than Obama Care. But the U.S. goes to war more. And we have more famous people. The American company Netflix even just poached Degrassi. And we don’t even care about being cool, so take your good weed and maple syrup and go fly a kite, you hosers.