Like almost every other person on Earth, you probably won’t watch the Oscars this weekend. The overlong awards program has been getting historically bad ratings the last couple of years, and Sunday’s show is already mired in a shitstorm of debacles, including their fairly embarrassing loss of a host, and several public backlashes to proposed changes to the program’s time-honored traditions.
But there is one group of people who actually have to watch this year’s Academy Awards, and that is movie stars and uber-successful film industry professionals. They, poor souls, will be forced by social obligation to watch the three-hour plus program live and without the boring parts cut out.
That’s why it’s good that, to soften the blow, many companies have decided to give to those less fortunate and contribute to a charity bag worth more than $100,000 to this year’s most prominent nominees.
Among the many luxurious accessories in this year’s celebrity bag, no product may prove more valuable than those containing weed, which will get the contestants through the grueling boredom ahead.
According to CNBC, nominee bags will contain at least two cannabis products. The best (in that it will get you the highest) is a box of chocolate truffles from Coda Signature chocolatiers, with each truffle containing 10 mg of THC.
Each bag will also contain facial moisturizer infused with “cannabis sativa seed extract, but not THC.”
There’s some other stuff in there that’s okay too: a stay at a spa worth $10,000, an Amazon cruise worth $6,000, and a stay at a Greek resort which goes for about $800 a night.
The bags do not come from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the group which organizes, badly, the Academy Awards. They come from an unaffiliated group called Distinctive Assets which, sounding like a shell company for embezzlers, is a company which sells brands the opportunity to have their product given away to celebrities. Sounds like a good business to be in.
So if you do watch Sunday and you see Glenn Close looking dabbed to the gills, you’ll now she probably went a little too hard on those truffles. But, hey, an MF’ing seven-time Oscar nominee and two-time Cruella DeVille has earned it.
Photo via Flickr user Prayitno