I’ve been on the hunt for a masterful crumble since the acquisition of my beautiful little Bronson MicroG, and when a friend heard of my hunger for crunger, he told me to look no further than this God’s Gift from Capone Extracts.

She keeps a clumpy bond. My haul sported nice chunks of space rock. Swiss cheesey breath holes pepper throughout until touched, when it falls away like sand. But not pure sand. Like that Brookstone smart sand that kind of keeps a bond and can be molded and played with.

The only playing me and God’s Gift did was the hitting kind. And I don’t mean bondage. Perhaps a bit of sadomasochism, but that’s not what this review’s about.

The flavor is so rich, it’s almost like hitting a blunt of sour diesel. Strong as hell, but not harsh. Just heady. Very, very, very much so. The majority of it has been enjoyed in the MicroG Pen, but we dabbed on quartz and titanium nails for a full scope of reviewery, and then sprinkled her in a couple of spliffs for posterity.

We all pretty much agreed dabbing off the quartz gave the most flavor, almost matched by the MicroG. As far as taste goes, those were our favorites, chased not far behind by the titanium. One vote actually went to the nail because of the sheer power of the hit.

The spliffs were great, too, but by that point who really gives a shit anyway, right?

At 15 a half and 30 a gram, this God’s Gift is practically that, because I dare you to find another that you like more.

Seriously. If you do, contact the magazine via our Instagram or comments section on the website and tell us who makes it and why it’s better. We could even take this as far as a backalley fist fight or a dance-off or something. May victory go to the dabbest.

Try us. We dare you.