Rock Ross has turned author. In anticipation of his memoir The FADER has released an excerpt from the book. As a rapper who’s been in the game for more than a decade, made a bazillion dollars, lived the rock star life, been shot at, arrested for kidnapping, and weirdly served as a corrections officer, you know he’s gone through some shit.

So, uh, why is his best memoir story about him smoking weed with Bon Iver in a closet?

Not that it isn’t a good story. It is. But it’s more of a good-laugh-over-a-couple-of-beers story, rather than a can’t-wait-for-them-to-make-the-movie story.

Basically, it goes like this. Rick Ross flew down to Hawaii to work with Kanye on what would become their single “Monster.” He then ended up getting stoned with some dude he didn’t recognize, thinking he was just some “hippy motherfucker.”

“The next thing I knew I was in a closet with this cool bearded white brother getting ready to record. I’d seen this guy working out of this tiny room in the back. He’d been there since I got there. I figured he must be a stand-in for Mike Dean—Kanye’s main engineer who hadn’t gotten to Hawaii yet—but it turned out he was the voice behind the distorted vocals on the song’s intro. We ended up smoking a whole bunch of joints and kicking the shit while I laid down my little verse.

“This hippy motherfucker ended up being Justin Vernon of the band Bon Iver. But I didn’t find that out until later. During the time we spent working together I had no clue who he was and I didn’t think to ask. I had no doubt that anybody Kanye had flown down here was here for a good reason.”

Another nice detail of the story are the insane signs Ross says that Kanye hung up around the story, including ones that said:

NO TWEETING
NO HIPSTER HATS
ALL LAPTOPS ON MUTE
JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP SOMETIMES
NO TWEETING PLEASE THANK YOU
NO BLOGGING
NO NEGATIVE BLOG VIEWING
DON’T TELL ANYONE ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING WE’RE DOING!
NO RACKING FOCUS WHILE MUSIC IS BEING PLAYED OR MUSIC IS BEING MADE
TOTAL FOCUS ON THIS PROJECT IN ALL STUDIOS
NO ACOUSTIC GUITAR IN THE STUDIO
NO PICTURES

So, two big life lessons you can take away from Ross’s tale. One: just shut the fuck up sometimes. Two: the next time you’re getting crazy high with some hippy motherfucker, he’s almost certainly a Grammy winning recording artist.

Photo via Flickr user The Come Up Show

Natalie