Here’s the life of a THC molecule: born in a bud, cooked in a dab, smoked into your brain. The end. That little tasty molecule gives us so much every day. But, like, how? And why? Let’s go back to school and figure out how it makes the epic journey from being some seed in the ground to a chemical in your brain that dabs you the fuck out.

1st Period: Biology

Botany, to be specific–the study de los plants. For example, that tall green plant with all the pretty little buds growing on it. Sneak a peek into the history class next door and you’ll learn that humans were smoking those buds thousands of years before Jesus made sandals cool.

But, so, wait, why does cannabis even make THC? It works out pretty good for us, but what’s in it for the plant, evolutionarily speaking? No one knows for sure, but a lot of scientists are good guessers in this department…

Some of them suppose that the sticky icky resin helps the female flowers catch male pollen–that’s how cannabi get groovy together and make baby weeds. Some figure THC protects the plant from no good, very bad stuff like UV radiation and fungus. So maybe it’s good your your jock itch too.

2nd Period: Chemistry

Some Walter White shit. We’re talking about solvents and hydrocarbon and infinite strings of covalent bonds. In BHO extraction, butane works through the flower and steals all its chemicals.

Then, extracting engineers isolate the THC from the infused butane. To do that, they got to be a player with the butane. They give it just enough heat to get it excited and give up its sweet THC gas. But just when the butane starts getting really hot, starts sending two hundred texts a day and thinking maybe it’s in love, the extractors got to turn cold. That stops other chemicals like chlorophyll from reaching their boiling point and muddying up the the extract.

3rd Period: Skiiiiiip!

Nah. We’re good on school for a minute. Forge a hall pass, stealth it past school security, blaze up your mind to sharpen it for some more higher learning, eat a Twizzler, then sneak back in.

Photo via Flickr user jdog90

4th Period: Advanced Biology

Human biology this time. THC is a speed racer in your body. A lot of drugs take their sweet time to course through your veins, but the millisecond you inhale tetrahydrocannabinol, she flies down your windpipe, burrows into your lungs’ air sacs, busts into your bloodstream, and shoots through brain.

5th Period: Neurology

Damn. You go to smart school where they teach neurology? This class has human brains on lab stations and rainbow-colored cerebrum charts, and the people who ace it are going to be Richy Riches in about a decade when they peace out from Johns Hopkins with an MD.

THC is a cannabinoid, but a bunch of cannabinoids are already in your brain just hanging out. Maybe that’s why if you smoke in a dream, you can feel high. For real? Yeah, try it. And because your brain is already used to reacting to cannabinoids, THC comes in speaking a language it understands. That’s why THC gets along so good with your neurons.

THC makes itself at home in your minds starts monkeying with its day-to-day operations. For instance, the pleasure center gets a boost (duh), so everything from chimichangas to sex to David Bowie’s Greatest Hits taste, feel, and sound better.

The drug also turbo-powers your thoughts. That’s why after a few hits you start to get, like really get, Inception. Then the turbo burns out and you forget what you were thinking about. But another thought gets a THC nitro jumpstart and you spend ten minutes talking about how you get, like really get, communism.

6th Period: Sleepology

This is when we nap after a long day of schooling. Cool part is when you wake and bake tomorrow you’ll have forgotten all this shit so you get to learn it all over again.



Top photo via Flickr user Steven Schwartz