Provided robots don’t enslave us, climate change doesn’t kill all the oceans, and nuclear war doesn’t wipe us out, the future’s gonna get a whole lot groovier. Some asshole politician once said that children are our future. The same idea probably applies to college students, who are going to be our future even sooner than children. Plus college-educated dudettes and dudes are usually the ones who become President and CEO’s and shit so they’re really our future.

And these future be-ers are smoking more and more weed by the year. The 2014 addition of an annual study conducted by the University of Michigan and released Tuesday found cheeba chiefing among college co-eds in the U.S. of A. has reached an all-time high since the survey began in 1980.

The U of M (Go Wolverines!) scientists asked full-time students if they used the marihuana at least 20 times in the 30 days prior to their being surveyed. A little less than 6 percent said, “yeah, bro.” 21 percent expressed the same sentiment when asked if they had gotten blizzity blazed at least once in the last month and 34 percent said they rode the tweed train at least once in the previous year.

“It’s clear that for the past seven or eight years there has been an increase in marijuana use among the nation’s college students,” lead researcher Lloyd Johnston told the Associated Press. “And this largely parallels an increase we have been seeing among high school seniors.”

While marijuana is proving to be the victor on the battlefield of young adult intoxicants, there are also losers. The use of cigarettes and alcohol have both declined as marijuana smoke has marked its territory on the brain waves of our future senators and middle managers. Only 5 percent of students said they practice binge drinking, defined by the study as having imbibed at least 15 drinks in a row during the last two weeks.

5 is also the percent of college kids who smoke cigarettes daily, according to the survey. That’s some major shrinkage compared to 1999 when 19 percent of college kids smoked ciggies like it was 1999. This is the first year in the history of the Wolverine survey that found more college kids smoking reefers than, as their known in England, f**s, proving that kids are getting cooler and going to live longer, and that English people are pretty f***ing insensitive.


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