Amid concerns that President Trump and his newly-appointed, deeply anti-cannabis Attorney General Jeff Sessions were going to crackdown on marijuana comes a sigh of relief: the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration just moved THC to the Schedule II category of controlled substances. Good news, right?

Except, wait… shit. It only applies to the shitty synthetic version of THC which is made by giant pharmaceutical companies. The DEA announced Thursday that it had moved “FDA-approved products of oral solutions containing dronabinol” to Schedule II, as reported by The Cannabist.

That category is not quite so bad as Schedule I. Drugs in its class are still considered to have a “high potential for abuse” but also some medical use. So, according to the DEA, the gross-sounding dronabinol has medical use, but raw cannabis or organic cannabinoids do not. This means that doctors will be able to prescribe dronabinol while they won’t be able to prescribe virtually any other form of cannabis.

It’s a little bit of a cliche to jump to conclusions and call a big pharmaceutical company evil and their product inferior to its organic counterpart, but let’s take a look at the facts. The move by the DEA seems to be partially due to the proposed introduction of Syndros, a liquid form of dronabinol from the company Insys Therapeutics.

Don’t let Insys’s pharmaceutical company sheen fool you. They have a lot of street cred. In fact, they’ve had enforcement action brought down on them by the Department of Justice for paying doctors to prescribe their fentanyl spray Subsys (don’t they have such appealing product names?).

Don’t worry. Justice was served. Those rotten crooks at Subsys who were pushing their insanely addictive opioid that was much more potent than heroin and easy to use as Binaca were given their just desserts: they were told “don’t do that” by the DOJ and then paid a few million of their vast fortunes of money. No one went to jail. It’s not like they were selling weed!

Except now they are going to sell weed. Well, not weed. A synthetic, weaker version of weed that isolates one single cannabinoid, creates it in a lab, and ships it off to a pharmacy near you. That sounds more complicated and expensive than just growing a weed plant and smoking it or making extract from it, but don’t worry, they pass the expenses on to you, the customer.

And dronabinol has all kinds of cool features you can’t find in regular organic weed. Like, for instance, a possible side effect of seizures and the absence of the medicinally helpful entourage effect. Maybe most importantly, it takes money out of the hands of farmers and small business owners. Who needs organic cannabis anyway? Why would you eat a salad when you could have V8 Juice?

Photo via Flickr user David Gach