In honor of Father’s Day, we thought we’d take a look at the fictional pothead paterfamilia who have touched our hearts and cleared our bongs. Every year there is one perfect moment of bonding for a stoner father and child. On Father’s Day, when the clock strikes 4:20 p.m. and a stoned father looks into their child’s bloodshot eyes and sees his own, it’s a beautiful thing. In the days leading up to that magic moment, here are some stoner role models for children and dads to reflect on and geek out laughing at.
- Homer Simpson
Homer’s one of those smokers who isn’t amazing at handling his shit. After getting a prescription from Dr. Hibbert in season 13 episode “Weekend At Burnsie’s,” this father of three has psychedelic hallucinations and loses touch with reality on near schizophrenic levels. If that weren’t freaky enough,, in what might be the scariest anti-pot fable to ever to air on TV, Homer gets so high that he lets Flanders convert him into a hardcore Christian believer.
Like the cowboy hat-wearing Stranger says at the end of the greatest film ever made, “I happen to know there’s a little Lebowski on the way.” Born in 1993, Little Lebowski would now be 22, so what do you suppose they’d be like? On the nurture side, they’ve (let’s say “she” to simplify the whole pronoun thing) been raised by rich, liberal, LA-based artist Maude Lebowski. So, she’s likely just graduating from an impressively expensive art school.
But on the nature side, half her DNA spirals are of the lazy, Kenny Roger-loving, kick-back-in-the-tub-with-a-roach-and-a-white-Russian variety. So, she’d probably be just about the coolest girl on the West Coast by now. That redheaded hipster with an art gallery in Echo Park that smells like dabs – that’s her.
Stan’s old man probably could have got a cannabis prescription for anger or a few other sizable mental health issues, but that’s not the way the medicated cookie crumbled when South Park legalized medicinal maryjane. Instead, Randy zapps his crotch with microwaves to give himself testicular cancer that enflames his balls until they’re so big they have to be carted around in a wheel barrow. And now that we ruined the story and joke of the episode for those who haven’t already seen it, why don’t you take a look here.
He might be the worst dad on this list, but shit – the first time he met his estranged son Ned Plimpton (Owen Wilson), he offered him a rip off his jay while standing on his very own gigantic boat equipped with a sauna, sound studio, and library. If you’re reading, Dad, beat that. Though Papa Steve denies his son, gets in a fistfight with him, and tries to steal his girlfriend, he redeems himself just in time to see Ned die a horrific death at sea. That’s all a son can ask for.
The greatest weed-spawned transformation in TV history came to the little town of Point Place, Wisconsin the day that Red, Kitty, Bob, and Midge all ate pot brownies. The curmudgeony old bastard who perpetually threatened the insides of so many rectums with the forceful entry of his foot turned out to be quite a cool cat when elevated.
For a brief moment, he gained euphoria and realized the uselessness of material possessions. In the same episode, Kitty reveals that Red is an astounding lover. So, why so angry, Red? In another life, he could have been the most fun fictional father figure to hang with this side of Uncle Jessie.