The word used to be “paranoid.” Back in the days when weed possession was a big deal criminally-speaking,  and your high, instead of fanning your pleasure centers, inflamed your brain to make you think and worry too much, what you’d think and worry about was an authority catching you in the act. So baby boomers and Gen-Xers in their shag-carpeted VW buses or retro-chic remodeled VW buses would call each other “paranoid” for feeling that way.

But now in a lot of the country possession isn’t that big of a deal. Even if it’s not legalized or medically prescribed, holding a few grams of pot is a small fine in many regions. But that doesn’t mean weed has stopped setting its consumers’ nerves on fire. It’s just that now they don’t worry about getting busted. Now they worry about their life. Now it’s just called being “anxious.”

And for stoners who get that way, smoking the wrong strain can cast a dark thunderhead over your evening instead of elevating you up to cloud nine. So if you’re a Nervous Nellie or an Anxious Annie, here’s the weed strains most likely to sooth the beast within, as compiled by Leafly, the Wikipedia, Yelp and Rotten Tomatoes of indica indexes and sativa sub-species.

Best Weed For Generalized Anxieties

Granddaddy Purple

The purp is off the charts when it comes to reducing stress. A good indica hushes and soothes your nerves better than anything but your mama, and maybe old granddaddy is even a touch better at it.

Jack Herer

While the purp will tuck you into bed to calm you down, Jack Herer will throw the curtains open and take you out on the town. Sativas can often turbo-charge anxiety, but Jack has the right mix of spark and calm to put you in a balanced space.

Cannatonic

This specially bred hybrid is half-THC, half-CBD to give you just about the most anti-intense high a smoker can get. It also contains an abundance of mycrene, the same mild sedative found in lemon grass tea, mellowing its buzz even further.

Said Leafly user kevinbsmith: “I’m not very good when it comes to marijuana with high THC contents as the effects give me anxiety. Cannatonic is high in CBD and low(er) in THC and is a great combination! It helps relieve stress and anxiety… without causing any!”

 

Best Weed For Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder  (PTSD)

Girl Scout Cookies 

Girl Scouts pack a big wallop of a THC punch, making them seem at first like a bad idea for mixing with serious anxiety disorders. However, treating PTSD with cannabis isn’t just about making sufferers feel groovy and relaxed. The effect of THC on the brain is much more complicated than that.

PTSD is firmly associated with memory, and many of those afflicted by it have a deficiency of anandamine, a neural compound associated with memory in the brain. Smoking a strain mad-high in THC like GSC can actually replenish the store of anandamine in the brain, giving you the neurological tools needed to cope with the disorder.

Canna-Tsu

This strain has all the medical benefits of a CBD-heavy flower without actually getting you all that high. Depending on the personality of a PTSD sufferer, that might suit them a little better than getting blazed every time their disorder kicks up a gear.

Best Weed for Social Anxiety

Strawberry Cough

If you’re one of those who “gets weird” on weed, than this sativa might be just the thing. It’s stimulating to the brain, but also calming, so you’ll be all suave after you take a couple rips.

Said Leafly user windowlickingood:”I usually shy away from going out in the public while smoking any bud. With this, it actually felt nice to be out while being medicated. I was able to hold constructive conversations.”

ACDC

This almost seems like cheating, as ACDC is really a CBD flower, but its effects are relaxing, uplifting, and head-clearing – so you will be some kind of serene Buddha at the next party.

 

Photo via Flickr user Brett Levin