April 20 only comes but once a year. With so many options out there for how to spend this magical day, we thought we’d put together a little guidebook to make sure you get the most out of it. Like a high-level extraction artist, here’s how to pull the most potent concentrate out of the raw flower that makes up your day.

11 AM – Wake and bake.

A couple quick blasts of extract to clear out the cobwebs. Don’t overdo it to the point that you forget what day it is. Just enough to get that first clean high of the day so everything sparkles a little bit.

Noon – Move around.

You’re going to be feeling good right about now, but the best way to keep feeling good is not to chase that high with one more hit, but to get a little exercise. Just a nice walk or hike is enough to get the blood circulating, which will spread the THC around your system and increase your high without needing to sip more of the green or amber right away.

1 pm – Munch

French toast, tonkotsu ramen, turkey club sandwich and onion rings, chorizo and guacamole burritos, chicken deep fried with Cheeto crumb batter, caramel pecan sundaes, fresh-brewed iced tea, crispy pork and rice, pitless black cherries.

If you’ve been smoking all day and holding out on a big meal, then right now you ought to feast like a beast. Just as the drowsiness starts to set it, it’s time to fire one more up and then pass out into lala land.

2 pm – Coma

A deep dreamless sleep. You’re going to wake up and stay in bed perfectly still for a few minutes while you slowly realize the sounds you’re hearing in the next room is your roommate playing video games. Then you’re going to slowly pick yourself up. All your clothes will be wrinkled from sleeping in them and smell like old weed smoke.

4 pm – Re-blaze and chill

Because you’re a nice girl/dude you’ll pack up a bong and bring it out to the couch so that your roommate and probably another friend can hit it. Then they’re going to pack one. Then you’ll pack another one.

 

Then you’re all going to binge watch a few episodes of some great cartoon or sitcom they canceled when you were in high school. A tall glass of water and maybe a hard candy like a sour apple sucker or a Tootsie Roll Pop will also sound pretty good right about now.

7 pm – Get your ass up

Right about now you’re all going to look out the windows and suddenly realize that the daylight is gone. About a second later you’ll realize that you need to switch locations or you’re going to fall back asleep and lose the rest of your 4/20.

You call up your buddy and, guess what, they got a few people over at his place and they’re chilling in the backyard with some dabs and some flower and a few beers and they’re about to start up a bonfire. So it’s time for you to get your ass over there. Just as soon as you smoke down a big drippy infused joint.

8 pm – Social smoking

At the party, there are worn-in lawn chairs and people you haven’t seen in too long and they’ve got new interesting stories about their new interesting jobs or maybe they went and visited some other country and came back with a couple good stories.

The blunt comes around again and you open another beer and everyone’s eyes are fucked and you’re all lovey dovey and it’s a good thing that someone ordered pizza because you all need it bad right now.

10 pm – Party or sleep

Now there are only two options. You either pass out or party hard. Both are really fun. If you chose the sleep option then this is like a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book where you die. You’re done. Night-night.

If you’ve chosen to party, then you’re going to open that next beer. And your girlfriend/boyfriend is going to show up at the party and grab the lawn chair next to yours and the bonfire will shine in their eyes while you tell each other about the badass awesome day you both had.

And what happens next you’ll barely remember, so maybe there’s no point in trying to pin it down. Maybe you went to a bar, maybe you went over to their place, maybe you stayed up all night talking Kendrick Lamar and nuclear politics. Whatever it was, it was damn good.

 

Photo via Flickr user Dank Depot

Dabs Mag Staff
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