I always wanted to be able to fly like them birdies since I was a wee babe. The only way I could console myself while I was puffing away and staring at them float above me is to think, “Well, shit, but they’re probably looking at me, jealous of this tasty L I got burning. But they don’t even have a connection or understand commerce well enough to buy a bag even if they did. So, let’s just call it even, birds.”

But then I saw this video and it fucked everything up. This black billed magpie (yeah. i took a birding class. so?) with balls the size of my balls comes right up to this dude, yoinks his jay and skedaddles – a fatty in its talons and its wings on the air. Stupid bird. But does he have Netflix and pizza rolls though?