If you could get dabbed out with any supernatural entity that’s ever existed or not existed in the universe, what would it be?
Mickey Mouse’s Magic Wand From Fantasia
This is the Dab Fairy’s pick. I had my doubts and told her you shouldn’t get too dabbed out with the magic wand, because shit gets out of control fast. The last thing you need when you’re up to your gills in fire OG is a thousand miniature self-sweeping brooms and a flood rising inside your castle.
“That’s why I’d just use it as a dabbing stick,” she said. “Even if mistakes happen, they’d still be magical mistakes.”
And if things really do get end-of-the-world-level out of control, the worst thing you can do is lose your head. Best just to dab-on-dab until you melt fully into your couch and wait for the sorcerer to get back and put everything right.
NOTE: Funny thing about memory. Just rewatched that part of Fantasia and there actually is no wand, even though everyone in the Dabs Mag office remembered there being one. The sorcerer’s power comes from a hat. But Sorcerer Mickey does have a wand in some pieces of Disney merchandise, so that’s probably how it wormed its way into our memory. That wand is so magical it only exists in our minds!
The Twin Peaks Giant
Most of my favorite sesh buddies have precognition, bowties, and the ability to transform into synth-backed singing sensation Julie Cruise? He’s been around a long time so he could show you some cool trails around the Twin Peaks national forest, reach snacks and things up on the high shelf, introduce you to his pet unicorn, and tell you his biggest secret of all: the owls are exactly what they seem.
The Ghost of Ed Harris
Such a cool dude. Such a winning smile. I would dab the fuck out with live Ed Harris right now – no problem, no qualms. But… (a) if Mr. Harris is this cool and charming now, just imagine what he’d be like with the perspective of the unknown in his pocket, and (b) just plain mortal four time Academy Award nominated actor Ed Harris would not qualify for a list of supernatural entities. Also, (c) to dab with ghost Ed Harris now means he would have had to time travel from the future or we would have to time travel to the future – either way double the supernatural for your buck.
Uatu The Watcher
Sometimes you want a little heady conversation when you’re under the dabfluence and who better than Uatu, chosen watcher of Earth in the Marvel comics universe(s)? Uatu has watched pretty much everything that human beings have ever done ever, so he’d probably have some pretty rad stories and some pretty chill perspective on said radness to bring you to a nice medium cool of rad chillness.
Also, having an immortal, omnipotent, faster than the speed of light telepath as a friend is never a bad thing. So, share only your best loud when you’re seshing with him on Pluto or wherever. And don’t be a savage: let him take the first dab.
No superhero in the world would make a better extraction artist. Not only can le thing de swamp grow whatever strains he wants right out of his forearm and pop the buds off for you, he can also run it as live resin because he was also a full blown genius chemist before the mad science explosion that turned him into so many vines, leaves and legumes.